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私がトマティスと出会ったのは、夫との海外駐在生活17年間を経て、日本では初めてのソロ・リサイタルを東京で行った直後でした。
出会ったというより、出会わされたという言葉が本当で、それもトマティスに出会った＝
卒業以来始めて33年ぶりに、大学時代の同級生、日原美智子先生にトマティスセンターで思わぬ再会を果したということでもありました。
3歳から音楽教室に通い、私達の駐在各国で高校まで音楽教育を身に付けた娘が、帰国後 第2外国語として興味があったフランス語の上達に、耳を作ることが大切と知って、聴覚トレーニング、CAVを受講するにつれて、日頃気になっていた母親である私の発声法に、このメソッドはきっとプラスになると考えたようです。
聴覚トレーニングの日程のプログラミングを自分でした上で、私をセンターへ連れていってくれました。それに備えて娘はトレーニングでお世話になっていた日原先生に、「今度 母を連れて来ますので、アノ発声を何とかしてやって下さい」とお願いしていたと、後日、日原先生から伺いました。
確かに小さい時から耳を訓練して来た彼女には、訳の分らない発声で歌っている自分の母親の、気付いていない窮状を何とかしてあげたいとの「娘心」からだったのでしょう。
再会の瞬間の驚きようは大変なもので、「貴女、何でそこにいるの？」「あなたこそ！」と、二人で叫んだことが今でも忘れられません。
トマティスと私の出会いは、ちょっとズレた出会いになってしまったように思われるかもしれませんが、これこそが私の本当の奇跡的な出会い、自分の能動的な発信でなく、出会いの原点から受信体であったことを改めて痛感し、このことが実現するよう動いてくれた娘や、日原先生はじめ、周りの皆様に感謝の気持で一杯です。
音大への受験時代から、卒業後海外の各地で声楽の指導を受けた「先生」の数は14人、その都度、発声や歌の歌い方表現の仕方等々興味深いことを沢山教えていただき、主な生活語であった英語の歌には特に生活習慣を通して、母国語ほどではなくとも、噛んで味のある言語として受け止め、少しは表現できるようになった気がして、私の大好きなジャンルとなりました。
海外生活の最後として10ヶ月娘と過ごしたボストンで、もしある声楽の先生ピアソン氏につかなかったら、私のトマティスとの出会いは、もう少し困難なものになったかもしれません。
氏が私の歌を聴いて下さり、最初に発せられた言葉は「貴女の舌はなんて頑固なんでしょう」でした。言われた私はチンプンカンプンで、何を言われているのか分かりませんでした。
大学在学中の恩師が当時20歳ソコソコの私に「舌は鬼門だから今は考えないように」と言われたことを20年以上も忠実に守って、舌にはノータッチで来た自分だったことが、その時、走馬灯のように浮かんできました。それからレッスンで丁寧に、母音によって舌の形を変えることを学び、「日本語では殆ど変えないのになあ〜？」と内心思いつつ身に付けようとしてきました。
学びの途中で帰国となり、その意識が少し薄れて、いい加減になりかけた時、トマティスに出会ったのです。
CAVで母音の学びの時とても具合良くパズルがはまった感覚で、じつにすんなりこのメソッドが身体に入って行くのが実感できました。
あれから約10年、トマティスによって私がどう変わったかを書くのには、相当の枚数が必要かもしれませんが、一番変わった点はまず、自分でなんとか上手に歌おうとしなくなったことかと思います。
受験時代、立派な響きになるよう声を作ることを習い、大学時代は呼吸や身体を使うこと、支えをしっかりすることを学びましたが、トマティスで初めて、自分を楽器としてその身体の中を吹き抜ける音楽を私自身が楽しむことを知り、心も身体もとても自由に楽になりました。
そして、更に大切なこととして「自分を外側から見、聴く冷静な客観性」と、「自分を大切に愛するその、自分へのオーケーが出たとき、初めて周りの社会とのコミュニケーションが楽になり、自分の歌も他の人の歌もお互いに享受し合える」ということを身をもって体験することができました。
あと何年歌えるか分かりませんが、自分の人生をこのメソッドで豊かにしていただけたことに感謝して、どなたでも持っておられる楽器を鳴らして、人生を楽しんでいただけるよう、このメソッドの広がることを少しでもお手伝いできたらと思います。
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