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耳と声 :: トマティス博士との出会い
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トマティス博士との出会い

○年○月○日立
今日からCAVが始まります。
トマティス博士に初めて会える日です。
ワクワクで会場に向かいました。もちろん、これから私の人生が変わるようなことが始まるなんて考えもしませんでしたし、声のことで私にできないことはあるはずがないと信じていました。なぜなら小さい時から良い声をしていると誰でも言ってくれていましたし、唄は絶対にすぐに唄えると思っていましたから………

会場には24人の受講者がいました。
博士の音声は素晴らしい響きを持っていました。
もちろん、身体も音声にふさわしい立派な身体でした。
一人ずつ前に出てレッスンを受けます。
皆さんなかなか上手くいきません。
いよいよ私の番になりました。
私が前に出ると突然博士が「声楽家というのはお前だね」
これが博士からの最初の言葉でした。
声楽家らしいかっこうをしていたわけではありません、身体を動かしやすい服装でということでしたから、セーターにズボンという服装でした。
次の言葉が「皆ができるようになっても、お前だけは、きっと何もできないだろう」と言うものでした。私は声も聞いていないでなんと酷いことを言われるのかしら!?
と思いました。
なにしろ声には自信がありましたから………

実際に始めてみると本当に何もできませんでした。
音を聞いて下さるどころか、ブレスをとっただけで、博士は「ノン」とだけ、何回やっても「ノン」これだけでした。
最後の日まで、一声も聞いて下さいませんでした。私以外の方々はそこそこ、それらしいことがそれぞれできるようになっていました。

私はそれまで、やりたいと思ったことで自分にできないことがあるなんて考えたこともありませんでした。

博士は音楽家ではないのに、それは素晴らしい声をしていらっしゃいました。
何故、私にまったくできないのかわかりませんでした。

日本で初めてのCAV5日間が終わりました。

私は絶望的な気持ちになっていました。
そんな時、博士は「お前はインストラクターになるのだからしっかり勉強しなければいけない」とおっしゃいました。
とっさに私は「無理です」と辞退しました。
なにしろ何もできなかったのですから………
ところが博士は「これからは、全てを見学して学ぶのだ」と言われました。(CAVは見学禁止なのです)
私は皆が受講している一番後ろでひたすら博士のフランス語を聴きながら、通訳の言葉をノートに書きました。ひたすら書きました。何しろ長い時間ですから眠くもなります。その時のノートには何が書いてあるのやらです!?

博士はある時プライベートレッスンをして下さいました。
骨導音のハミングをしっかり教えてくださいました。長時間、博士のレッスンを見学していたので何をすべきかがおぼろげながら解って来たのです………その時の博士の最後の言葉がハミングを一年間しっかりやることと「お前が今まで学んできたものは、すべて塵芥だからどぶへ捨ててしまうこと」というものでした。

「40年以上勉強して来た音楽をすべて捨てるということは、なんという残酷なことなのか!?」と思いながら、あまりにも素晴らしい博士の声にわたしはその日から一年近く来る日も来る日もひたすらハミングをやりました。
そして博士が何を伝えたかったのか考えましたが、何も解りませんでした。それからはフランスのCAVインストラクターの方がCAV開催のためにいらっしゃるたびに見学をしました。

博士は何もできなかった私に何をさせたかったのか!?私より上手な方が何人かいらっしゃるのに何故、私なのか!?
果たして何か解るようになるのか!?
頭の中は!?!?!?!?でいっぱい。
私の中に残っているものは、シャワーのような心地よい博士の音声、そして何もできなかった、いいえ、音を出させなかった私の手を取って、博士はハミングをしていらっしゃるご自分の頭、首、背中、胸 等を何回も何回も何回も触らせて下さいました。その時に私の手に伝わった振動の感覚と通訳を通しての博士のおっしゃった印象的な言葉の数々………これを手がかりに私の毎日はプライベートな時間があるかぎりわたしの頭の中をいろいろなことが駆け巡っていました。

聴き取ることのできる音のみ再生できる。

頭と身体と心を一つにした時にその人の持っている資質を最高に発揮できる。

歌う事、話す事、生きる事、愛する事は同じことである。
鼻で歌ってはいけない。鼻と共に歌いなさい。

かぎりないほどの今まで聞いたことのない言葉。
四六時中、これらの言葉が頭の中を絶えず鳴り響いていました。その当時の私の口からは「解らない」「解らない」と言う言葉がしょっちゅう出ていた」と後になって娘に言われました。
欠かさずやっていたことは良いのか悪いのか良く解らないハミング。時間が取れる限り繰り返し、繰り返しリピートしていたのを覚えています。


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